Changing the outside by changing the inside first

I want to feel ashamed that I've been absent for SO LONG, but I'm CHOOSING not to feel this way.  Because, no matter how long I've been gone and how bad I've been, I've come back.  And getting up after I've fallen is a lot better than not getting back up at all.

So, I'm back!  I'm going to do my very best to stay for awhile this time.

My commitment and motivation are at an all time high right now.  Not because I'm going great, quite the opposite actually, I'm doing horribly in the weight loss category.  But I've finally chosen (there's a theme here) to shake this black cloud that has been following me since April 2010.

In my efforts to find motivation, inspiration, whatever you want to call it...I stumbled across two very significant weight loss 'tools' that actually ended up being one in the same.  Googling 'weight loss motivation' led me to the Pasta Queen wesie.  Within the same hour, pulling up 'weight loss books' at Kobo Books I was directed to 'Half Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir' by Jeanette Fulda.  Imagine my surprised when I discovered that Pasta Queen was the author of 'Half Assed.'

I'm not going to go into too much detail, as it's not relevant to anyone but me, BUT...this was a truly motivational book for me.  I actually sat with my blackberry beside me and wrote down quotes and phrases that I found impactful, so I could refer to them.

I also sat down to write 'my story' in which I started from the beginning to figure out where this obesity has come from.  I realize I need to change my insides before it will reflect on the outside.  I'm taking the steps to do that now.

The best quote I got from the book 'Half-Assed' was "People wait for motivation to find them, but they need to go out and find motivation." And "You just have to do it, even though you don't want to."

I don't want to do this, but I have to...I have to do it for my health, for my mental well-being and for my family.  The choice is to take control of my life or to sit here and let my wonderful life pass me by...and when it comes down to those two choices, I want to live and I want to enjoy my life.