A Mixed Bag of Emotions

The last week has been a whirlwind, a virtual 'mixed bag' of emotions.  I honestly can't get my head on straight right now.

Last weekend started off with an Epic blowout with my husband, followed by a few very rocky and uncertain days in our relationship, complete with a makeup and makeover.  We had our family photographs done (anxiously waiting to see the 'sneak peak' from them...hoping I'm not disappointed in how I look) and finished off by my babies 2nd birthday (where has the time gone!)

I'm exhausted...mentally and physically exhausted.

Yet, I find I'm very restless right now...like I'm on edge.  I know I've been running like a chicken with my head cut-off the last week, but I still feel like something is off and I can't quite put my finger on it.

We ended up having Chinese Food last night, which was a huge mistake on my part, but we needed a quick and easy meal.  I topped off my crazy Sunday-evening routine by grabbing a fortune cookie on my way to bed.  My fortune read 'There is No substitute for Hard Work.'

UGH...there have never been truer words directed at me, especially now.  Cause it is totally the truth, especially in my case.

My weight loss/healthy living efforts have been non-existent the last two weeks...as have my bugeting/organized living/meal planning/healthy cooking/cleaning and all round domestic goddess responsibilities.  I have just completely stopped doing anything...and that's no way to live.

There has to be BALANCE.  I think that is what I'm looking for most right now, Balance and Peace.  And yet, I can't find it and have no idea how to even start looking for it.

So tonight, I'm going to end my evening getting myself and my children ready to start the day off right.  I'm going to set the coffee pot, get our clothes laid out and breakfast all ready to go.

And tomorrow, I'm going to start my day off right...and pick up where I left off in my efforts to change myself from the inside out.  I have a Yoga class penciled in for lunch tomorrow, followed by a healthy salad and litres of water to down.  I'm going to 'Stay Calm and Carry On.'

PS ~ I have been enviously eyeing a woman on the train for many months now.  This morning, as I pulled into a parking spot, she was right beside me.  I looked over and noticed she had TWO booster seats in her back seat...which means that not only is she my ideal woman (stylish, put-together, well polished, smart looking) but she has all this while also being a mother to two kids (I'm assuming anyways.)  And I realized, if she can do that...so can I.  So my goal over the next few months is to really polish myself up.  To stop looking and living like a slob.  To become the woman I'm so envious of, to be a woman that others envy.  And to start that all off, I'm going tomorrow to buy a satchel (just like the one my 'fantasy' woman carries) to start acting like a polished woman (instead of just a bag lady!)

To a wonderful start to tomorrow...wish me luck! (and I will be back tomorrow night to update on my day, it's clear to me that I definitely need to be journaling on a daily basis.)