Today is the day!

I woke up this morning feeling great...energized, pumped, happy, etc!  And my energy level has slowly faded over the course of the day.

There is so much I want to do, want to read, want to look at, etc. that it overwhelms me.  Once I get overwhelmed, I shut down...it's a terrible cycle really.  It's almost like I'm 'hyper' motivated and then when thngs build up too much, I retreat.  I withdraw back into myself, stop doing what I know to do, hide from myself, from others, from the world and promise myself that 'I can do it this once, because tomorrow I will start.'  It's this self-permission that's killing me.

So what do I want to say today...I want to tell myself to just stop!  Literally STOP, BREATH and go S.L.O.W.L.Y.

This isn't a race, I don't have to do everything perfectly...I just have to do it!

I currently have a lot of issues in my head...it's a jumbled mess of EVERYTHING.  There is literally so many things dancing around in there that I can't focus or concentrate on anything.  I can't process any information, I can't create the motivation I need to start doing something and I can't find the energy to actually do anything.  It's a real mess and is affecting me, my husband, my children and my whole life.

So I've decided it's time to do something about it...I'm going to see a counsellor to see if she can't help me work out some of my 'issues' and get a little better 'mental health' going, so that my brain can decompress and shut down, so I can sort things out, deal with things, let things go, etc.

I'm really excited about this appointment, as I am extremely hopeful that she can help me.  And I know that she deals a lot with spirituality (God) in her sessions and I think that will be extremely helpful for me.

I'm also going back to the Naturopath to help me with the physical issues of my body.  To help me continue dealing with my weight, my lack of energy, my hormones and moods (all related to the PCOS I've been diagnosed with.)  I was making some great progress with the Naturopath in the spring when life got out of control and everything started falling apart.  I've now decided to return to her (despite my husbands lack of support...he doesn't believe in the Alternative Medicine) and continue on the regime she had built for me.  I definitely felt much more balanced and in control when I was seeing her.

My Birthday
As I mentioned in my first post, my birthday is this coming Friday and this is the launching of my total life/body/mind makeover.  I'm kicking off my birthday with a day dedicated to myself...by myself!

I am going to treat myself, pamper myself a little.  I'm going for a cut and colour on my hair and think I may just walk in, tell the stylist to do something different and dramatic.  I'm also going for a manicure and pedicure.  And I'm trying to get myself in for a massage and a wax (although it looks like the wax is going to have to wait.)

I may also treat myself to a new purse/wallet or some new workout clothes for the gym.

 So today is the day that I begin my journey...and I'm going to really try to focus on going slowly and not burn out too quickly.  I'm in this for the long haul, I've always been in this for the long haul, I just need to keep my focus, my drive and my motivation and just DO IT!

Tomorrow I work on finding what will keep me going.