First off, I've decided that I'm going to try to blog daily...and I suspect this will take many forms over the next year, but I want to see what it becomes and writing down my thoughts, feeligs, etc. will help me find myself over the next 365 days.
So...back to CLARITY!
Today, I started my day off pretty well. I have two beautiful babies, my son (DS) is 4 years old and my daughter (DD) is just about to turn 2 at the end of August. Being a mom is the most wonderful and rewarding thing I could ever imagine...but sleep has been a very limited notion to me over the last 5 years (those pregnancy days count as being sleepless!) Last night, for the first time in a very long time, I actually got a full night of sleep. We were in bed by 11:30pm and neither one of my children woke during the night (thereby waking me up.)
But, as is usually the case with me, more sleep tends to make me want even more sleep...so I did wake up a bit on the tired side and managed to hit snooze two or three times.
But the kids woke in a great mood, were happy to get off to their dayhome and I managed to make my morning train with time to spare.
And yet, I spent the whole morning looking at STUPID stuff on the internet today. I somehow even managed to get myself on some Purse Forum (a whole forum dedicated to purses...who knew?) Then I started looking for a new purse (I justified it as my birthday present to myself.)
Thankfully, I PROMISED myself that I would go to Yoga today (I belong to Goodlife fitness and there is a great location literally across the street from my office, so I quite often go during lunch to take a class.) So I dragged myself to Yoga today, despite trying to talk myself out of it (in favour of shopping of course.)
But the class was REALLY TOUGH today. I find it so challenging...yet it opened me up and gave me some clarity.
First ~ what have I done do myself over the last 4 months. I've let myself totally go again, after working SO.VERY.HARD to get in shape and lose weight. In April, I was going to the gym at least 4 days a week (sometimes 5 if I could swing it.) And was really developing muscle tone, slimming down, etc, etc. And yet, I am completely, right back where I started last October. It's depressing...but in my moment of clarity, I realized that I have the power to change it and I have the power to ensure I NEVER go back to that again.
* And while my husband gets frustrated with all my attempts and failures...I've realized that as long as I don't completely give in to self-defeat and keep trying, I will eventually succeed. So he's going to have to get used to all my attempts.
Second bit of clarity ~ what the heck am I doing spending my day looking at purses...seriously! I WASTE a whole heck of a lot of energy doing useless things. Why would I spend the whole morning looking at purses, purusing purse forums (still shaking my head at that one.) I don't have the money to be buying myself a $700 Louis Vuitton purse and I seriously have much better things to be doing with my money than buying myself silly accessories.
So, instead of treating myself to a new purse for my birthday, I've decided to put that money I would spend to good use and use it on renewing my Weight Watchers membership. I really need to accountability that traditional meetings give me, so back to the meetings I go.
I'm going to start going to a lunch hour meeting on Wednesdays close to my office. I'm going to keep my re-involvement to myself for now until I start seeing results again, but I know that being back in WW is where I need to be. That while exercising is imperative for me (especially for my mind and well-being) my weight loss success is almost completely geared around my eating and diet.
Back to Weight Watchers I go, and I'm eerily excited about it.
So far, today has been a great day! I'm basking in my post-Yoga soreness right now (while my body is tired, my mind is humming) and looking forward to tomorrow and getting back on the weight watchers program.
And here's hoping that my babies give me another bliss-full night of sleep!
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