When life gives you lemons...

I make a VERY sour face!


As seems to be the theme with my last few years of 'winter months' January, February and beginning of March have been rather difficult and trying.


While I'm not making excuses, I have let life get the best of me and have been very 'down in the dumps.'  My pity party and poor me attitude is at an all-time high right now, while dealing with illness after illness in my household.  Just when I finally get one of us, another one of us gets sick.  It's a never ending, revolving cycle right now...which means I'm SUPER frustrated, running on very little sleep, many middle of the night wake-ups and run down myself. 


And when I get run down and overwhelmed, it seems (to me) that my life starts to crumble.  I just can't keep a good grasp on 'life.'  Something always suffers and usually it's me.  When I get overwhelmed like this, I make VERY bad choices (food choices mostly,) I stop exercising (was I exercising before?) my motivation, self-discipline, willpower, etc. go completely out the door.


So it's no wonder I am currently NOT losing weight (not gaining either) but not helping myself get to my goal. 


Okay, honesty, that's the policy right (cause I'm only hurting myself and I can't really lie to myself can I) I'm not doing a single thing, but eating.  I know I'm comfort eating, but I can't get a handle on it and make myself stop.


I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm sad and frustrated...I'm angry with the world right now (for oh so many reasons) and I'm just feeling so crappy that I want to just sit on the couch and eat...which is exactly what I'm doing.


*SIGH*


What am I doing?  No seriously, what am I doing to myself.


I know I'm feeling so awful right now as a by-product of what I'm doing/done to my body.  I'm not eating properly, not exercising, not taking my vitamins or drinking my water.  No wonder I'm always tired and sluggish, look at what I'm doing to myself.


My family is going away this weekend...it's the first time in a VERY LONG time that we've all been together, away from home.  We are going to a cottage in a ski village.  Sadly, as much as I would LOVE to go skiing with my husband and my babies, I don't think I could get the ski boots done up around my calves.  How utterly disgusting and disappointing...I'm going to miss out on my babies first time skiing, because I'm too FAT to get the damn boots done up.


*SIGH* and this thinking just makes me feel worse, which in turn makes me feel like it's OK to eat somethign sugary or fatty or too much of something.


I need to STOP THE MADNESS!  I need for tomorrow to come!


Time for a weekend of thinking, plotting, planning!